Being a foster parent is hard. Extremely hard. And while foster parents often get a bad rap in the news (because you only hear about the bad ones) the reality is very different. There are thousands of excellent foster parents out there whose hard work, love and dedication never make the news. Whose compassion and sacrifice will never get them on the front page of any newspaper. Those few who who couldn’t take the strain, however, who made bad choices, give everyone else a bad name.

Foster parents face incredible challenges on a daily basis

Parents who raise biological children, or stepchildren, will never experience the full scope of what foster parents have to do in order to give a child a home. This isn’t meant to sound like we’re diminishing what non-foster folks do – parenting ANY child can be hard! (We know – we’re parents too!) But there’s so much more involved in parenting a foster child, and when you consider that every choice they make is scrutinized by CPS, they face challenges no other parent understands.

Traumatized kids are very hard to parent!

Most kids in the foster system have experienced some kind of trauma, The hardships of poverty, neglect, abuse, violence, or parents with substance abuse issues all add up. For some kids, the reason they were removed from their parents isn’t traumatic (think false allegations of abuse), but being taken away from their families has left them untrusting, terrified, and alone. Now consider how a traumatized child behaves, and it will give you a tiny window into the daily lives of foster parents.

Foster parents regularly deal with kids who lie and steal and manipulate. Kids who act out in strange and unpredictable ways (sometimes with violence, sometimes with oversexualized behaviors). Kids who sometimes damage their foster parents’ belongings, put their foster siblings in danger, and require constant oversight. Parenting a foster child means more stress, more challenges, and more obstacles than the average parent has to face.

The state observes their every move, their every decision…

No consider the state’s involvement. Foster parents, in order to get their licenses, have to be subjected to intense scrutiny. Every inch of their homes are regularly investigated. Their private lives are dissected and discussed. Their finances are scrutinized. Their family life is disrupted. They are required to attend hours and hours of training before they can get a license, and then continue regular training in order to keep it. They have to discuss every change, every issue, and every problem with therapists, case workers and licensing workers.

Everything must be logged and recorded, nothing can be missed.

Many kids in the foster system are on medication, whether it’s for medical conditions, behavioral and emotional disorders, or mental health issues. Foster parents are required to keep ALL medications locked up in a safe, give prescriptions on time, and keep detailed medication logs that are regularly checked by case workers. They have to drive their foster kids to and from doctor’s appointments, therapy sessions, court hearings and parental visitations.

Foster parenting is very hard job!

Parenting kids is hard. Parenting kids who aren’t yours, but who come with enormous challenges and problems is harder. Parenting traumatized struggling children while the state watches over your shoulder is even harder. Yes foster parents receive a financial stipend to help them, but it rarely covers more than the basics. (Anyone who tells you foster parents do it for the money have no idea how little they get!) And there is no amount of money that makes constant CPS involvement worth it.

We wanted to share this with, not to scare you away from being a foster parent, but rather to shed a little light on something that is often mischaracterized. Because we’re fierce parent advocates who regularly point out the failings of the child welfare system, it can sometimes seem like we are trash talking foster parents, when in fact that couldn’t be further from the truth. Most foster parents are good people who simply want to help kids. The fact that the system is broken isn’t their fault, and shouldn’t reflect poorly on the hard work they do.