Unhappy in a Good Foster Home? Why Would That be?

Just because the foster family is a good one, doesn’t mean the child wants to be there.


Imagine yourself with the people you love. They’re flawed, certainly, and they sometimes do dumb things. But they’re family and you love them. You would do anything for them, and they’re the people you turn to when life gets crazy or overwhelming, or you just need a shoulder to cry on. Now imagine that all of those people are suddenly taken away, and you’re given a brand new family to live your life with. You don’t understand why they’re gone, and no one seems to be able to explain properly why they’re not around anymore.


The loss is confusing and makes you very sad!


All you know is you can’t go home, you can’t see the people you love, and you’re expected to be happy with these new strangers. Grateful, in fact. Everyone seems to think that you should be thrilled with your new life – after all, these people are so nice and they went to all the trouble to make space for you in their home and family. Except that no one consulted you on the matter! No one even asked if you wanted to come and live with these people you don’t even know, and lose contact with all the people you loved. It doesn’t make sense and it isn’t fair!


Welcome to the mind of a foster child. With the exception of children who were severely abused, or lived in fear of their parents, most kids want to be with their families. They love their parents, however flawed they may be, and they want to have loving relationships with their parents. They don’t want to be removed from their homes and get stuck in a stranger’s house that they’re then expected to be grateful for.


They’re not grateful – they just want to go home!


Even if the foster parents are the nicest and kindest people on earth, they’re nothing more than nice, kind strangers to that child. Nice, kind strangers that child is forced to live with. In a house that doesn’t look or feel or smell like home. With siblings who are different to the siblings they know and care for. They eat different food, have different routines, and enforce different rules. Nothing feels normal or right. And as foster children, they have no control over the situation. And to put the cherry on top of this awful cake, they’re expected to be glad about it!


It’s extremely hard! For a foster child to be taken away from their home and family, regardless of what crimes may have been taking place there, is a huge loss. The child feels that loss acutely, and grieves for along time after that. It’s a reality that many people simply don’t understand. They look at the facts of the child’s life before removal, look at the reality of the current foster home, and then can’t understand why the child isn’t ecstatic with gratitude.


Many foster children would rather go back home.


Foster kids are just like all kids – they love their parents and crave a connection with them. When they’re taken away from their families, they experience that separation as an enormous source of pain. And pain translates into grief and sorrow, which often become anger. Looking from the outside in, people are often confused about why foster kids don’t seem happier – after all, they’re away from “those bad people.” But kids don’t see it that way, and trying to explain it to them won’t help. In fact, it’ll only make the situation worse!


Parenting is very hard, and foster parenting is even harder! It requires a lot of kindness, patience and heart, which can be hard to give when you’re being accused of something terrible by the state! So if you or a loved one have had your children removed by CPS, you’re going to need help from a highly skilled and experienced child abuse defense attorney. Call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245 to day to discuss your case, and get the right help today!


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